The 100 Ingredient Chili
If you want to win the Super Bowl, all you have to do is make the most epic chili in all the land.
Forget about the teams playing in the Big Game—if you want to win the Super Bowl, all you have to do is follow these steps for making the most epic chili in all the land.
Step One: Make sure you have these ingredients.
1. Ham
2. Chicken
3. Turkey
4. Roast beef
5. Bacon
6. Sausage
7. Tomato paste
8. Tomato sauce
9. Beef broth
10. Chicken broth
11. Kidney beans
12. Cannellini beans
13. Chipotle peppers
14. Corn
15. Black beans
16. Celery
17. Red peppers
18. Green peppers
19. Yellow peppers
20. Orange peppers
21. Red Habanero peppers
22. Orange Habenero
23. Chili Pepper
24. Carrot
25. Garlic
26. Tomatoes
27. Sriracha
28. Cheddar cheese
29. Pepper Jack cheese
30. Gorgonzola cheese
31. Sheep’s Milk grated cheese
32. Parmesan cheese
33. Cream cheese
34. Sour cream
35. Peanut butter
36. Hershey’s kisses
37. French fries
38. Noodles
39. Wasabi peas
40. Salt
41. UTZ potato chips
42. Fritos
43. Tortilla chips
44. Tabasco Pepper Sauce
45. Tabasco Green Pepper Sauce
46. Tabasco Family Reserve Sauce
47. Tabasco Buffalo style pepper sauce
48. Grey poupon
49. Salsa Verde
50. Balsamic vinegar
[pagebreak]51. Chives
52. Cinnamon
53. McCormick’s Sweet ‘n salty Southwest seasoning
54. Bacon salt
55. Nuit en Enfer
56. McCormick’s Southwest Seasoning
57. Smoked paprika
58. Sage
59. Coriander
60. Ground mustard
61. Parsley flakes
62. Cloves
63. Cayenne pepper
64. Umami dust
65. Crushed red pepper
66. Taco seasoning
67. Ground cumin
68. Tarragon leaves
69. Old Bay
70. Sugar
71. Black Pepper
72. Soy Sauce
73. Oregano
74. Vanilla extract
75. Heavy cream
76. Pickle Brine
77. Chili powder
78. Newcastle Brown Ale
79. Bitters
80. Titan IPA
81. Tequila
82. Glenfiddich Scotch Whiskey
83. Sriracha Bitters
84. Alibi Whiskey
85. Captain Morgan Black
86. Root Alcohol
87. Water
88. Coffee
89. Bourbon
90. Jagermeister
91. Red Onion
92. White onion
93. Boiler Onion
94. Garlic
95. Jalapeno pepper
96. Red Jalapeno pepper
97. Chipotle peppers
98. Adobo sauce
99. Green Beans
100. Thai Chili
Did ya get all that? On to Step Two….
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Step Two: Prep your veggies, meat, and canned ingredients.
Step Three: Add all your veggies to the crock pot. Put your crock pot on high.
Step Four: Put everything else together. And with vigor. (Having a bucket helps.)
Tomatoes and tomato sauce should be your base.
[pagebreak]
Beer really helps. (What else is new?)
Don’t forget the yummy bitters.
Keep it meaty.
And spicy.
[pagebreak]Step Five: Take it from bucket to crock pot, and let it cook for a few hours or until your space smells GLORIOUS.
Step Six: When it looks like this, you can probably eat it.
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Step Seven: Add your garnishes and enjoy. You just won the Super Bowl.
YUM. Tastes like a victory to us. No, really, it’s pretty good!
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