Heinz Petitions to Put Equal Number of Hot Dogs and Buns in Packages

It’s time someone took a stand.

The biggest name in condiments has had it with the uneven distribution of buns and wieners on supermarket shelves. On Tuesday Heinz revealed “The Heinz Hot Dog Pact.” It’s a petition with a simple goal: “10 wieners. 10 buns.”

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That’s right, Heinz wants to rob comedy writers of their filler jokes about the fact hot dogs tend to come in packs of ten (this is sometimes brand-dependent) and hot dog buns are eight to a bag. 

According to Food & Wine, the “explanation seems to be that the packaging priorities differ for meat producers and bakers.” Those different priorities, however, don’t “explain why they couldn’t just sort out an agreement over the decades.”

Heinz, as an extremely interested third party, states the problem and their position plainly on HeinzHotDogPact.com, writing that since their products have “been bringing foods together for over 150 years,” they feel “enough is enough.” The message continues:

That’s why we started the Heinz Hot Dog Pact. We’re calling on Big Bun and Big Wiener companies to find the answer to this hot dog packaging mismatch, once and for all. We need your signatures more than ever. Let’s change hot dog history together.

Food & Wine quoted Daniel Gotlib, the Kraft Heinz Company’s associate director of brand building and innovation, who stated that they “saw an opportunity to champion this issue on behalf of hot dog lovers across North America and help show manufacturers why they need to put an end to unequal packs.”

It’s an unequal distribution of processed food products that has frustrated partygoers for ages because there’s always one or two lonely wieners left sitting limply inside the bag after the party is over like dudes ejected from a swingers’ club for attempting to get in on the fun without a date. 

Every hot dog needs a bun of its own. Won’t someone think of the wieners?

If this cause is near and dear to you, sign the petition at Change.org.