The Girl’s Guide To Using Male Sex Toys

Our sex expert looks at the ways you and your girlfriend can play in a whole new way.

When it comes to sex toys, your first thought might be, that’s just for women.

Male sex toys are often seen as a threat to masculinity, or something only gay men use, but from a woman’s perspective, there’s so much more to it than that. From Japanese Tenga silicone masturbators to vibrating cock rings, there are a plethora of fun, male-oriented sex toys that couples can use together. I spoke to five women who have experimented with male sex toys about how and why they enjoying using them with their partners.

Why She Likes It

Lewis and Clark weren’t the only explorers; any woman who is into male sex toys wants to discover your body in all new ways. Just because she’s not physically getting off right then doesn’t mean she can’t enjoy getting you off – as they say, sometimes it’s better to give than to receive. “I enjoy giving pleasure. Using a male sex toy on him gives me the opportunity to potentially increase that,” says Potter, 26. “When I’m using a toy in my hands rather than giving a blow job, I’m able to focus more on exactly what he’s feeling.”  Says Dr. Carol Queen, Good Vibrations’ resident sexologist, “Sure, most of us have hands, but they don’t vibrate, and sex toys allow for the kinds of sensation that a guy can’t create on his own or get from a partner. This opens the door to thinking about sex as more than just intercourse, but as a true form of erotic play.” Turning a man to putty in their hands can be a major turn-on for many women, and if she can be the first to push a bunch of all-new sexual buttons, even better. “Most men have never had an orgasm like the one they’ll get from getting their prostate massaged. If I can be in control of that, I’m all for it!” says Abigail, 33.

Photos: iStockPhoto | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2014

Getting Started

“My husband and I wanted to spice up our 15 year marriage,” says Jenne, 49. “I was no stranger to female toys, so we started off using them on him. As male toys became more accessible, we began to incorporate them more.” According to Pamela Doan of renowned NYC sex toy store Babeland, men’s toys sales have nearly doubled since 2010. Still feeling a little antsy about getting started? Try shopping together with your lady. The people working at sex stores are skilled at guiding couples who are new to sex toys. It’s also a great form of mental foreplay. “I got started using male sex toys by simply going to a sex shop with a boyfriend. Going together to browse through sex toys can be fun – and hot!” says Lilith, 20.

Fact vs. Reality

Think using male sex toys is just for gay dudes? Think again. “Sexual pleasure is about where your nerves are,” says sex educator Dr. Charlie Glickman. “After all, it’s not like gay men are born with special nerve endings.” The ladies agree. “The prostate is an amazingly sensitive part of the male anatomy, and wanting to experience the most pleasure from your body is a natural desire,” says Potter. “Using sex toys doesn’t make a man gay. If you’re a hetero man, and you’re with a woman, having sex with her, and she’s using the toy on you or with you, how does that make you gay?” says Abigail, 33. Besides, why should you leave all the fun to the girls? Dr. Kat, clinical sexologist, points out that, “Male sex toys in particular are useful in helping a man take ownership over sex toy use, so that it isn’t all about just female pleasure.” And as an added bonus, they can even improve your health and performance. “Prostate toys can actually promote prostate health,” Dr. Kat continues. “And penis rings can help with mild forms of erectile dysfunction.”

Photos: iStockPhoto | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2014

How to Choose Your Poison

These days, sex stores offer more variety than Baskin Robbins. Before you get overwhelmed with the deluge of choices, narrow it down. “If you’re looking for sensation that is focused on the penis, cock rings and masturbation sleeves are the place to start,” suggests Elena, 21. “I’m an especially big fan of the Super-Soft C-Ring, an extra-stretchy cock ring.” If it’s prostate play you prefer, Jenne recommends the EuphoSyn prostrate massager by Aneros. “I get to control the depth, speed, and length of play time. Taking the control away from him allows him to simply enjoy the experience!” For a twist on the traditional HJ, try a male masturbator like one from Tenga. “It’s a sensation that’s different from a handjob,” says Lilith.

Increase Foreplay and Intimacy

According to psychologist and author of From the Living Room to the Bedroom, Dr. Bill Bercaw, “Using male sex toys can expand a couple’s menu of pleasurable activities, especially in a committed relationship where both partners feel secure and trusting. Since novelty and experimentation are key elements of healthy sexuality, these toys can provide a fun way to keep things interesting.” So not only can you spice things up, sex toys can help you emotionally and physically bond. “I thought adding some sex toys would not only keep things fresh, it would help us grow closer. I saw it as something to enhance our relationship, and I wasn’t proven wrong,” says Potter. Adds Elena, “Sex toys also help to increase time and care spent on foreplay – an aspect of sexuality that sometimes gets sacrificed in long-term relationships.”

Photos by iStockPhoto | Licensed to Alpha Media Group 2014