According to a recent study published in the scientific journal Social Psychology and Personality Science, the happiest couples don’t bang like rabbits and have sex every single day. Surprisingly, it was found that couples who only have sex once a week are the happiest of all, which proves that, contrary to popular belief, more is not always better.
In the study, researchers surveyed over 30,000 people over the span of 40 years, and discovered that having frequent sex doesn’t necessarily equate to higher levels of fulfillment and happiness, and that doing it once a week was perfectly sufficient. But on the other hand, those who had sex less than once a week were less fulfilled.
However, a separate study from the Kinsey Institute revealed that the average number of sex couples have varies depending on age, which isn't all that surprising. The researchers found that younger folk between the ages of 18 and 29 have the most sex, with an average of 112 romps per year, or twice a week. Niiice.
Once you hit 30, that number dwindles to 86 times per year, or about 1.6 times a week, and after 40, it's even less, at an average of 69 times a year. This makes sense, considering the older you get, the more obligations and responsibilities you have, which leaves you with less time for the sexy stuff. Plus, with older age comes arthritis, fatigue, energy-draining children, etc., which also forces you into unintentional abstinence.
“Some people want to have sex every day, and they are. Other people have other priorities, so sex isn’t on the top of their list, so they are having it less,” marriage therapist and professor at the University of Southern California, Mary Andres, told USA Today.
With that said, it's important to note that there is no "perfect" amount of sex you should be having in order to be happy and have a great relationship. Every couple has their own "norm," so it's useless to compare your sex life with a standardized number to know if you're having enough sex or not. Only you and your partner can tell if the sex is lacking.
For instance, if you were getting it on three times a week two years ago, but now she's constantly tossing around those dreaded "not tonight, babe" excuses like confetti and you're down to just one romp every week, something isn't right.
According to Dr. Logan Levkoff, an expert in human sexuality, marriage and family life, and Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a NYC-based clinical psychologist, some of the main reasons why many couples lack in the sex department is because of stress, body insecurity, chronic medical issues, smart phones, and a waning connection.
But luckily, those issues don't necessarily mean your sex life is doomed. All you need to do is put in a little extra effort.
“Check in throughout the day. A kissy face emoji or a quick message sending love keeps the connection going,” Hafeez explained to NBC News. “Also, something as simple as walking together after dinner without phones, or dancing, can get good brain chemicals flowing.”
And in case you're not feeling all that satisfied with the amount of sex in your relationship, there are a handful of other science-backed ways to give your sex life a boost, which I've compiled into a nice list below.
1. Get more sleep
According to recent study, a couple extra hours of sleep makes you hornier, and yet another study also found that getting more sleep makes you happier in your relationship, probably because nobody is happy, horny, or nice when they’re tired.
2. Tell her you love her
If you love your woman, let her know! A study found that 75 percent of women who are super satisfied sexually said their partner vocally says “I love you” while they have sex, and when you take care of her womanly needs and leave her satisfied and smiling, she's going to want to have tons of sex.
That said, moan those three magic words next time things get hot and heavy...but not if you've only been dating for 3 weeks or something. Then things would just get awkward.
3. Have sex because you want to, not because you feel like you need to
If sex feels like a chore you need to get over with, it's definitely not going to be hot, nor is it going to be satisfying.
Researchers at Carnegie Mellon University conducted a study where they tasked couples to have more sex, and found that when people felt they needed to have more sex, they viewed it as a mundane chore similar to scrubbing the toilet or vacuuming the living room, and subsequently didn’t find it very enjoyable.
That said, don't force sexy times. Instead, set the mood with some candles, or perhaps a sexy massage, because a sensual massage has a lot of potential to turn real sexy, real fast. And when the mood strikes and you feel frisky, do your boo right then and there, because sex is always hottest when it's spontaneous.
If your sex drive is lagging, I have the perfect remedy: Exercise!
Studies have shown that regularly working out enhances your sex drive by increasing blood flow to your junk, boosting testosterone levels, and by giving you a delightful rush of endorphins that make you feel happy. And when you feel happy, your libido will feel it, too.
5. Let your freak flag fly
There are few better ways to spice up a monotonous sex life than by introducing some kink into the bedroom. Science says so, and you can't argue with science.
Researchers found that couples who try new and exciting things in bed are happier than those who just stick to lights-off missionary sex, so if you want to be happy, you should get kinky.
But when I say kinky, I do not mean you should immediately break out the bondage hoods and whips, or do hardcore Japanese bondage. I mean, you totally could, but it's usually best to work up to that stuff.
Instead, use some tingly lube, try a new position, experiment with light bondage, or have sex in a daring new place.
Good luck, my friends.