How Much Would You Pay For Johnny Carson’s 25-Minute Long Sex Tape?

If you answered “nothing,” congratulations, you passed the test.

A Jonny Carson sex tape is currently for sale, featuring Johnny with one of his many wives sometime in the 1970s, first getting busy in the pool, then heading to the bedroom to deliver some topical punchlines serious sexy-time. The video apparently also reveals that Johnny Carson’s penis was so big – “How big was it?” – Johnny Carson’s penis was so big that even after being dead for almost 10 years, people are still interested in seeing video of it (rumor has it that the beast stood at close to 10 inches). By all accounts, the tape contains some pretty raunchy stuff, but having not seen it ourselves, we’re just assuming it’s like an X-rated version of the Tonight Show, featuring some sort of animal act while Ed McMahon sits on a couch nearby, shouting things like, “Excellent maneuver, sir.”

TMZ claims that the current owner of the tape tried to sell it last year to the Johnny Carson estate, which refused and threatened to sue him. Unable to legally sell the tape to a porn company, the seller is now shopping the tape around to private collectors. Up until now we never even realized that there were “collectors” for this kind of thing, but who knows, perhaps this means we’ll finally get that Milton Berle sex tape we’ve always wanted. This story also brings to the forefront a growing problem in today’s culture: No, not that some scumbag is selling a celebrity sex tape – that seems to be par for the course. No, we’re bemoaning the quality of celebrity sex tapes these days. Gone are the days when even adorably amateur stuff featuring the likes of Pamela Anderson or Kim Kardashian made their way onto our screens; now we’re getting bullshit like this and an over-exerted Hulk Hogan grunting his way through his own homemade porno. Please, celebrities, if you’re reading this – aim higher.

Photos by Everett Collection