These Are America’s Most Popular Sexual Fantasies
Which is your favorite?
We already know that many of us are secretly pretty kinky and have some seriously sexy fantasies. A recent study published in The Journal of Sex Research found that about half of all adults have desires and fantasies that the American Psychiatric Association’s DSM classifies as “non-normophilic” a.k.a. kinky, so we can safely say that most of us are actually freaks.
But here’s the real question: What are the most common sexual fantasies and kinks?
To answer this pressing question, sex researcher Justin Lehmiller conducted a massive study of 4,175 Americans about their sex lives for his book Tell Me What You Want, and figured out what exactly the US is fantasizing about the most.
And so, based on comprehensive scientific research, here are the top five kinks and fantasies in the United States.
5. Partner sharing and non-monogamy
The fifth most common kink, grouped as “Partner sharing and non-monogamy,” doesn’t involve threesomes and orgies — “rather, they’re about having a relationship in which the partners agree that certain forms of outside sexual activity are acceptable,” Lehmiller writes.
And so, to break down the stats of the fifth most common kink in America, 79 percent of men and 62 percent of women fantasize about being in an open relationship, 70 percent of men and 51 percent of women fantasize about polyamory (having multiple relationships at the same time), and 66 percent of men and 45 percent of women reported being into swinging, a.k.a. partner-swapping.
4. Taboo sex
Since we, as humans, are wildly attracted to things that are forbidden, it’s no surprise that taboo sex is the fourth most popular kink in the nation.
Of those taboo fantasies, the most popular is voyeurism, which is when you get your jollies from peeping on people undressing or having sex without them knowing about it. Voyeurism is illegal, which is one of the reasons why it’s so endearing to some of us.
The second most popular taboo are fetish objects, which are “objects that one relies on for feelings of sexual arousal,” and the most common of those were found to be stockings, shoes, boots, panties, and bras.
Lastly, the third most popular taboo is exhibitionism, which includes exposing yourself to others without their consent, or having sex in front of people. This is also illegal (if it’s nonconsensual), again, making it extra delicious to those who are into it.
3. Novelty and adventure
Listen, we all get bored of doing the same thing over and over again, especially when it comes to sex. “We have a tendency to grow tired of sexual routines, while sexual novelties can reawaken our interest in sex,” Lehmiller explained in a separate study.
That’s why novelty and adventure is the third most common kink, and involves sexytime activities you’ve never done before (like bondage!), sex in unique settings, and a “surprise or thrilling” encounter, such as doing it in the butt.
You should have seen this one coming. Not surprisingly, BDSM is the second most popular kink in America, with 60 percent of survey participants saying they fantasize about inflicting physical pain on their partner in bed (the S and M in BDSM), but interestingly, Lehmiller noticed “slightly more than frequent” sadism fantasies in female participants. Hmmm. Interesting.
The most commonly reported BDSM fantasies were spanking, biting, and whipping — but nothing too intense. Most people said they want “relatively mild pain that … [was] consensual and [had] very controlled limits.”
Moreover, 65 percent of participants said they want to be submissive in the sack, which suggests giving up control is a bigger and more universal turn-on than dominance. “More Americans want to give up control rather than take control during sex,” Lehmiller writes.
One last fun nugget of information that Lehmiller discovered was that nearly 66 percent of women and over half of men fantasize about forced sex, which ties in with the fantasy of submissiveness.
1. Group sex
And lastly, the number one kinky sexual fantasy in the United States is….group sex. Eighty-nine percent of respondents revealed they fantasize about having a threesome, 74 percent about orgies, and 61 percent about gang-bangs.
Most straight men reported wanting a threesome with two women, whereas women didn’t care about the gender configuration too much. Plus, heartwarmingly, the majority of participants said their group sex fantasies involved their spouse or significant other, in addition to an outside partner or two. Aww.
Well, there you have it! Did your fantasy make the list?