Having Lots Of Sex May Not Be So Good For You After All, Says Buzzkill New Study

Find out how getting laid on the reg can affect your prostate…

Bad news, fellas. There’s something about sex that could increase your risk of developing prostate cancer. No, it’s not doing butt stuff. It’s not any secret testicular clamp fetish you may have, either. 

In one of the more depressing sex studies in recent memory, Cancer Council NSW found that sexual activity is a risk factor in developing prostate cancer – as in the more sex you have, the higher your chance of getting prostate cancer. Let’s just take a minute to digest this news.

And yeah, we know, this is the first time we’re hearing that sex could potentially be bad for you, too. All we’ve heard in the past is how good sex is for health, and how sex keeps your prostate in tip-top shape. We’re as surprised as you are. 

Getting into specifics, the study found that men who have more than seven sexual partners can double the risk of developing the cancer compared to men who have less than three partners in their lifetime. Yikes.

Well, this sucks, because the reality of the situation is that most men have way more than just three sexual partners in their lifetime, save for those rare individuals who fall in love at 18 and stay in love until they’re six feet under and can’t even remotely imagine sticking it in another woman.

Ready for even more bad news? The researchers also discovered that men who had sex for the first time before the age of 17 also have a higher risk of developing the disease, as well as men who have more than five orgasms a month, and those who go through puberty earlier than average.

“Our study points towards men who engage in higher levels of sexual activity and start being sexually active earlier as being at a higher risk of prostate cancer,” said research fellow Dr Visalini Nair-Shalliker, making men everywhere realize their prostates are doomed.

Well, my dudes, it would appear as though the majority of men are already at high risk for developing prostate cancer, so there’s not really much you can do except enjoy your life and get laid as much as you damn well please. Same goes for orgasms. Have lots of orgasms, because we’re all going to die anyway.

Before we part, let me brighten your mood with this joyous GIF of Kate Upton, because that study was downright discouraging.