There was a point during last year’s Super Bowl when it became abundantly clear that the Buccaneers were going to defeat the Chiefs that I said aloud to myself, “Adam, you can’t let Tom Brady keep ruining your life.”
Because he has. A little bit. Maybe not in a way most people could see, but deep inside, in my heart, he’s been one of the great villains of my existence. Every championship he’s won, every ring on his finger a personal affront to me, specifically.
Twice the man has denied my favorite team, the Los Angeles (and sometimes St. Louis) Rams, a Super Bowl championship. One of those teams, the 2001 Rams, was probably one of the best ever assembled. The Greatest Show on Turf was filled with future Pro Football Hall of Famers on both sides of the ball. If you play that game 10 times, the Rams win it nine times.
But not the one that counted. I still haven’t gotten over it. And it was Brady’s 17th freakin’ NFL start.
I have four favorite Super Bowls. Tops is the Rams winning it all in the 1999-2000 season, something I will always treasure. The second, third and fourth are all the times Brady lost the Super Bowl. Eli Manning is a first ballot Hall of Famer and I’ll argue with anyone about it. If he and I were in the same restaurant, he’d never pay for a drink or see a check. Same for Nick Foles.
This has been a two-decade long nightmare from which I have yet to awaken. But something broke inside me during Tampa Bay’s 31-9 trouncing of the Chiefs in last year’s Super Bowl. Saying that aloud, that Tom Brady, a man who didn’t know that I existed, was actively causing me continual emotional pain for the last 20 damn years released me from it. I was free.
I’m a single, divorced guy in his late 40s going from one shitty Tinder and Bumble date to the next, but this was one problem I would no longer have. I didn’t care if Tom Brady won another Super Bowl. Tom Brady would no longer ruin my life.
So, it is with that sense of freedom, that weight lifted from my shoulders that I present to you the most boring Super Bowl Pick in all of human history.
But before the boredom is unleashed, don’t forget that you can bet on who will win this season’s Super Bowl at MaximBet. Shocker…the Chiefs (5-1 odds) and the Bucs (6-1) are favored to meet again.
Who Will Play in Super Bowl LVI?
Stop…the…press. I think, and I hope you are sitting down, that the Tampa Bay Buccaneers will square off against the Kansas City Chiefs in Super Bowl LVI.
Yup. All chalk. A boring ass rematch of the two teams that made it there last year.
Why? Because the Bucs ran through the NFC playoffs a year ago and are bringing back every single starter from that team.
The Chiefs had one weakness, their offensive line, and they spent the offseason solving that through trades, free agency and the draft.
Brady, my former nemesis, continues to defy time, logic and gluten by quarterbacking at the highest level. Patrick Mahomes is the closest thing the NFL has ever had to a Michael Jordan. Kansas City, with a healthy Mahomes, is a safe bet to go every single year he plays. How do you bet against them?
You just don’t.
What Teams are Super Bowl LVI Contenders?
Hey, I love the Rams. Living in Tennessee in the 1980s, I literally had to send off Owens Corning insulation proofs of purchase to get an LA Rams jacket I could wear to school and be made fun of by a bunch of bandwagon San Francisco 49ers fans. I kept a Jim Everett football card in my wallet. I thought I was going to name my first-born son Everett (I didn’t). I am the oldest of old school Rams fans.
I love the acquisition of Matthew Stafford. I love marrying him to Sean McVay. I legitimately, and I’m not kidding, made the trade for Sony Michel with the Patriots happen with my mind. I thought, as I drifted off to sleep, that the Rams should make a move for him and when I woke up the next morning, it happened. I did that.
Do I think they’re going to the Super Bowl? No. Because the Bucs brought back all 22 starters.
As for Kansas City? Who in the AFC can stop them? The Buffalo Bills? They were barely in the game last year and the Chiefs had old western saloon doors as an offensive line. Patrick Mahomes was playing hurt and they lost by two touchdowns.
You think the Cleveland Browns are knocking off the Chiefs? Did you just wake up from a 30-year coma? Bernie Kosar isn’t your quarterback. It’s Baker Mayfield and he’s a Smurf with a tan.
Who Will Win Super Bowl LVI?
I’m saying the Chiefs. I think with their improved offensive line and last year’s game film of the Buccaneers defense, Andy Reid can put together a plan to overcome it. I think Kansas City gets its revenge, puts its dynasty back on track and hoists the Vince Lombardi Trophy.
And, also, and I cannot stress this enough. Fuck Tom Brady. I am who I am. Final Score: Chiefs 31, Bucs 27
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