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Dog Reviews: Skyfall Special

Our movie-reviewing pooches tackle James Bond’s latest outing.
 

Skyfall
Out November 9, Rated PG-13


Photo Courtesy of Columbia Pictures

Holly's take:

“I’ll say this: There are some truly solid action scenes in this movie. It starts with a big fucking bang, has plenty of bangs in the middle, and while it ends with a bit less of a bang, it’s definitely a ‘lots of bangs guaranteed’ sort of a movie – a bit like July 4th, only without me needing to be tranquilized so I don’t foam at the mouth. They really got a lot right this time around: The opening sequence is, as it should be in a Bond movie, epic; Javier Bardem’s bad guy, Silva, steals every scene he’s in; and Bond Girl Bérénice Marlohe is awesome in the short amount of time she gets to do her thing.

Despite all this, there’s a lot of cock-teasing in this movie. The finale is a let down, a sort of grown-up take on Home Alone that could have been great, but ends up rushed and messy. The much-publicized introduction of Q, in particular, is a huge disappointment – actor Ben Whishaw is great and his banter with Bond is spot on, but he doesn’t end up adding anything at all, giving Bond absolutely nothing of interest gadget-wise and further sucking the fun out of an already pretty grim movie. The same is true of Bardem’s character: He seems brilliantly, diabolically evil, but his scheme is petty and kind of pointless, leaving you wondering how exactly he has an army at his disposal when there’s nothing to be gained for any of them.

Ultimately, this series is in desperate need of some forward momentum: Skyfalls’s callbacks to earlier Bond movies (particularly the Connery era) are cute, and its attempts to flesh out Bond’s pre-007 life are faintly intriguing, but it’s time to stop digging around in the past and shove this thing, gadget-laden and gleaming, into the future.

One final word of praise: At last, we finally get the Bond theme in an action sequence! Hearing that got me so excited that I immediately ran out and head-butted a mailman in the groin. Well done, Skyfall!”


Photo Courtesy of Columbia Pictures

Dexter's take:

“This is a tricky one to review for me, as I’m super torn on how I felt about it – much like the way I often can’t resolve my desire to befriend a squirrel with my need to chase it into a corner and hump it to death. I’m an enormous fan of the direction they’ve taken Bond since the big, gritty reboot, and especially of Daniel Craig, who, despite his gravitas, always manages to inject some ironic British cool into the character. That said, after loving Casino Royale, I was disappointed in Quantum Of Solace for its lack of scope – I mean, really? The big bad guy’s evil plot was to overcharge people on their water bill? It’s not exactly grand, is it? Sadly, I had the same problem this time around: Skyfall seems big and complex at first, but many scenes lead nowhere, ultimately leaving us with a narrowly-focused revenge plot that doesn’t even focus on Bond and seems far too small to be a part of 007’s movie universe. Bond himself is left with very little to do except charge around in his too-tight suit, looking for some kind of a story arc.

It all looks fantastic, at least – visually, it’s like watching a classic Bond movie on mushrooms, all dream-like colors and moments of surreal wonder (I never knew how much I wanted to see James Bond vault off a giant komodo dragon until it actually happened). It’s a majestic movie, stuffed with large action set pieces, but it’s made to feel smaller by its shallow plot, which is a shame.

Overall, it’s bound to end up more popular than Quantum, simply because people so desperately want it to be good. I definitely wanted to like it more than I actually did, and I still have high hopes for the next one. Craig is an awesome Bond – the filmmakers just need to let him off his leash a bit more. Unless there are squirrels nearby: Personally, I’d find that very distracting.”


Photo Courtesy of Columbia Pictures

Billie's take:

“I WAS CHASING MY TAIL AROUND AND AROUND IN CIRCLES DURING THE START OF THE MOVE AND THEN IT MADE ME DO A SPEW AND SO I ROLLED IN IT AND THEN I –”

*krrzzzshttsh* … "Agent K9 report, once again, Agent K9, report.” *krrzzshhtzz*

“Control, situation normal – am still impersonating stupid, decadent American dog to convert populace to glorious Communist republic by inserting subliminal propaganda into big, dumb Yankee movies. Mission proceeding without incident. Will report once current mission is accomplished so cover will not be blown.”

*krrzzzshttsh* "Understood Agent K9. Proceed with plan. Glory to our leader!” *krrzzshhtzz*

“Glory to his name. Agent K9 out.”

*click*

“Interfering bastards. I should go rogue on their asses and…oh crap, is this thing still on? Er, HI THERES AMERICAS, ME DID LIKE FUN MOVIE AND THEN I POOPED AND IT WAS FUNNY AND THINGS LOL LOL LOL!”



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