What do Regis Philbin, Robin Wright, and shrimping boats have in common? Sadly, not a goddamn thing. So, despite that being the premise for an awesome buddy comedy waiting to happen, alas, they're all just some of this week's television highlights.
Monday, Nov. 14
9:30 p.m. Enlightened (HBO)
Granted, there's nothing terribly enlightening about a cable show with an awesome cast (A still-as-hot-as-she-was-in-Jurassic-ParkLaura Dern, Mike White, Lucas Wilson) that nobody watches, but here's something to lead you down the path of, uh, enlightenment: An episode featuring guest appearance from Robin Wright! Oscar-winner Jonathan Demme will also be on hand as a guest director, and as anyone who has seen Silence of the Lambs can attest, if anyone knows calm and uplifting, it's that guy.
Tuesday, Nov. 15
10:00 p.m. Parenthood (NBC)
Don't ask us how the Braverman brothers continue to do it. Not only did both Adam (Peter Krause) and Crosby (Dax Shepard) manage to snag insanely gorgeous significant others like Kristina and Jasmine (Monica Potter and Joy Bryant, respectively), but then they cheat on them with younger, equally insanely gorgeous women. Last season Crosby crossed the line and did the deed with Adam's sons speech therapist Gaby (played by Minka Kelly, so can you blame him?) and tonight Adam will put his own marriage in jeopardy and he locks lips with his hot new office assistant Rachel (Alexandra Daddario). And, to think, all this time you were afraid of parenthood!
Thursday, Nov. 17
10:00 p.m. Big Shrimpin' (History)
What's not to like about this new reality series which chronicles shrimpers from Bayou La Batre, Alabama during the beginning of shrimp season in the Gulf Coast? The title of the show is a play-on words from a Jay-Z song about pimps, it gives us an excuse to do our Bubba imitations whenever they talk about shrimp (which, as it turns out, is pretty often), and, most importantly: There's shrimp everywhere. We got 99 problems, but a shrimp ain't one.
Friday, Nov. 18
Check local listings, Live with Regis and Kelly (ABC)
While we don't understand why anyone would want to leave Kelly Ripa's side, Regis Philbin has decided to walk off into that good night. No, no, don't worry, he's not dying. (Don't go into the light, Reege!) The 80-year-old has just decided that after surviving nearly 30 years of a morning talk show (15 of which he somehow endured with Kathie Lee Gifford) to step down. Today will mark Regis' last episode of Live, so that he can move on to a typical, but fulfilling retirement, which includes puttering around the bank, bickering with his equally cantankerous old pals, and being an especially creepy old man by admiring Nicki Minaj's booty. Ah, Reege, we sure are going to miss you.
10:00 p.m. Blue Bloods (CBS)
Speaking of old dudes, tonight on a new Blue Bloods, Henry, the Reagan clan patriarch goes through our worst nightmare scenario: Having a heart attack the day before Thanksgiving! (Especially terrible when you consider that Bridget Moynahan will be at said Thanksgiving dinner.) Our advice to you, Henry? Power through! Last we checked, excessive amounts of food, especially complex carbohydrates and gravy, are good for the old ticker.
Saturday, Nov. 19
11:00 p.m. Donald Glover: Weirdo (Comedy Central)
There's a lot of words to describe Donald Glover. "Lucky bastard" certainly spring to mind as the guy is a multi-talented star (he acts! he writes! he raps!), who gets to work on one of the funniest shows on TV (Community) with some of the prettiest ladies in the business (Alison Brie, Gillian Jacobs) and has had the opportunity to spend some of our sweet, sweet Maxim money. Of course, Glover would describe himself as a "weirdo", which is fitting as its the name of his new Comedy Central special. The former Daily Show and 30 Rock scribe will take to the stage with his off-kilter brand of humor and beats. Here's another word for it: Awesome.
Sunday, Nov. 20
8:00 p.m. American Music Awards (ABC)
Sure, all awards shows are overlong, self-congratulatory popularity contests and the 2011 American Music Awards will undoubtedly be no different. But, how could we not recommend an event that will feature the likes of eye (and occasionally ear) candy like Katy Perry, Jennifer Lopez, Christina Aguilera, Taylor Swift, and Nicki Minaj. (Hmm, why do we get the distinct feeling Regis will suddenly come out of retirement tonight?)